


Nyctophobia

by GoldenHero



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Algophobia, Character Death, Cutting, Depression, M/M, Major Character Injury, Nyctophobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-24 02:21:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6138061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoldenHero/pseuds/GoldenHero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yamaguchi Tadashi hated the dark, it made his blood drip, and his cuts flow with blood. </p><p>Tsukishima Kei was the dark, and he was determined to make Tadashi heal, even if it costed him a scar or two.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Yamaguchi Tadashi hated the dark. 

He hated the sloping walls of black that made his shadow stretch, and the freezing cold feeling that made his toes twitch to gain back the feeling of the ground underneath them. 

He hated when others compared his freckles to stars. They were lights that he had been too scared to look at, lights that he only seen in pictures on the internet or in a movie (which he always tried to avoid, movie theature meant that he had to be in a dark room with unfamiliar people.). 

He hated the stars. 

He hated how his appearance to others were stars, things that made him so shy, so hesitant to take the offered compliment to heart, and carried his fear around like a little grey cloud. 

Maybe he wouldn't have been so scared if those bullies hadn't shown up. 

Three of them, always picking on him and yelling insults about his freckles.

It destroyed him from the inside out, wreaked what little self-confidence he had, and let it crash to the ground in a mess of glass shards that cut him if he tried to pick them up and piece them back together. 

He carried this fear, this cloud, these broken shards, he held them in his hands and clenched his fists just to feel his palms bleed. 

It didn't do much, but it made him feel like he was alive again, and God knew that he needed that. He needed it so badly, it was the rope that held him in place so he would not fall into the pit that was despair. 

Those metoporical shards soon became a reality with his first cut. 

He had watched the crimson drops splatter onto the prestine sink, and felt for the first time in his life grounded. 

It felt good. 

It felt so good just to bleed, just to let his fury and fear and anger out through those straight, neat, small, lines. 

With each line came a strip of blood caused by a sharpened razor, begging to cut his arms again. It called to him, and after almost every day of fear and pain, that razor was his comfort. 

It wasn't like he had parents who he could talk to, they were always on buisness trips, and left a nanny that would visit once a week with groceries and smoke outside, and sometimes, when she found Tadashi's razors, she'd press the burning stick into his arm. 

After awhile, he went numb to the pain. 

That was when he was just getting into Highschool. 

By now, his arms had been decorated with so many scars upon scars that he could no longer remember which was the first one, and he didn't care to think. 

It was better to forget. 

To go numb. 

To leave behind all that once was himself. 

At least, it seemed that it would be like that until he met him. 

Tsukishima Kei. 

The boy who was not afraid of the darkness, a boy who had long arms that bared no ugly scars, with eyes that were as sharp as Tadashi's nanny, but with different intent. 

He was tall, taller than Tadashi who had shot up in Junior High, with fluffy hair that was short and often messy. 

Tadashi could name a number of things that was perfect about Kei, but he couldn't name one about himself. 

He was horrid.

With his brown hair, eyes that he saw as needles of uglyness, and arms that held so many cuts and bandages, while Kei was clean and perfect. 

Tadashi thought of Kei a lot, but didn't think the blonde thought of him much. 

At least, that was until one gym class. 

It was unbearably hot out, and tadashi knew that he couldn't wear his long sleeve shirt this time, he would get too hot, but it would hurt more if his bandages were spotted. 

He had watched the other boys leave the lockers, a few of them pushed Tadashi out of the way and into a locker where he stayed, shaking as tears of frustration came to his eyes. 

He didn't move from that place, taking short breaths as he forced himself to move, looking down at his arms, now uncovered from their uniformed sleeves, bare and scarred, they seemed to taunt him. 

It was almost as if they knew of his predicament, and were laughing at him. 

"Tadashi, sensei-" Tadashi stiffened up at Kei's cool voice and instantly curled his arms into himself, squeaking as he stared at the shocked looking Kei who's amber eyes were focused on Tadashi. 

More importantly, his arms. 

"Are those.." Kei started, taking a small step forward, but pausing as Tadashi stepped back, shaking and sniffling like an injured animal. 

"S-stay away from me." Tadashi whimpered, feeling tears hot in his eyes as Kei only steped forward, a hand reaching out and grasping onto Tadashi's arm.

Tadashi flinched, exspecting a harsh touch which usually came with those touching him, but Kei's grip was soft and steady. 

"Stop hiding them." Kei said softly as he unfolded Tadashi's arm, letting his fingertip smooth up the scarred skin like it was a fine script, reaching one of the newer ones that Tadashi had covered in bandages sloppily before he had left school that morning. 

"I-I'm sorry.." Tadashi sobbed, hating himself for crying in front of Kei who was like an idol to him, but the look in Kei's eyes as Tadashi looked up was soft. 

"You've done nothing wrong, Tadashi." He soothed quietly, gently pulling Tadashi forward into a hug, holding him tight as Tadashi stared at Kei's chest with wide eyes. 

How was he supposed to react? Was he to scream? Push him away? Cry?

How long had it been since he had been like this with another person? 

"It's gonna be okay, you can cry." Kei whispered, and at his words, it was as if a dam had been opened. 

Tadashi let out sobs, sobs that made his heart shatter and his eyes burn with the salty feeling of tears as he trembled in Kei's arms, sobbing louder and louder. 

He felt like shit. 

He was shit. 

The shittiest shit that ever lived. 

So, why was he being held by someone so pure as Kei? It didn't make sense. 

"After gym," Kei said after a few moments of silence, "I want you to come home with me. I want you to tell me everything."

It was at those words that something in Tadashi's heart seemed to form, a shard of his shattered heart was slipped from his bleeding hands, and something else pressed into them.

Love. 

Tadashi waited a few moments for his tears to finish their tracks before he nodded into Kei's chest. The taller boy nodded as well, and soon released Tadashi, smiling small at him. 

"Don't forget. I'll see you soon, Tadashi." 


	2. Chapter 2

Yamaguchi didn't know how long he had been sitting there since Kei had left, but as soon as he heard the door to the boys locker room click open, he shuffled out of his daze and began to get dressed, feeling his hands shake from the rush that was going through his body now. 

If he was lucky, he could escape before the rush of others overwhelmed him, that had happened one too many times for him to count, and it had never been a good experience for him, but one that he supposed was great to the bullies who relentlessly followed him around, poking fun at him, laughing at his attempts to stay strong, which never truly worked. 

He scooped up his bag just as the first boys had tromped into the room, and quickly filed out, making short eye contact with Kei who blinked, nodding his head a little in the motion of 'out there' before he pulled off his shirt. 

Tadashi's eyes felt hot and he quickly looked away, almost running now out of the lockers and to his classroom to gather his things, trying to burn the vision of Kei shirtless out of his mind, he didn't deserve to see someone so beautiful when he was someone who was so ugly. 

"Tadashi." Tadashi almost jumped a foot into the air at Kei's soft voice and whipped around, seeing Kei, he smiled weakly, waving a little as he trembled, forcing himself to come down from his nervousness so he wouldn't look like a fool in front of Kei, that much he could do. 

"O-oh, hello." He said softly, feeling nervousness well in his throat. Was Kei going to reject him? Was he going to toss him out into the dirt now that he knew? Was he just bringing up Tadashi's hopes so that he could watch them crash to the ground in a burning flame? Tadashi hoped it wasn't that, he hoped so much that he started shaking again. 

Before Tadashi's worries could find their words, he found his hand gently been grabbed by Kei's, and before he knew it, he was being dragged along through the halls. His feet had to move double time to keep up with Kei's longer legs until he matched his stride, and came more closer to him, almost to Kei's side. 

Tadashi was silent, staring at Kei's back in surprise as his brain struggled to process what he was seeing properly. Was this a dream? Was Kei just bringing him somewhere to drop him off with the bullies? After all, Kei had been known to be exceedingly cruel at times, but for some reason, his grip on Tadashi's hand was soft and caring. 

"K-Kei, where are we-" "Home." Tadashi snapped his jaw shut, forcing himself not to speak as Kei did, glancing back at Tadashi as he led the nervous boy out of the halls and into the main room, walking to the front gates as classmates surged around them, whispering and glancing at the two boys as they walked, but Kei didn't pay any attention, so Tadashi tried to as well. 

"H-home?" He asked softly, feeling Kei's fingers tighten around his a little, squeezing just a little more, letting their fingers link together loosely. It was almost...Intimate...

"My house or yours? My brother is at college, and Mum'll be at work until late." He said softly, pausing at the outside of the gates and fully turning to Tadashi, his fingers slipping from Tadashi's, and the brown-haired boy found himself wishing that he could have them back. 

Tadashi caught his breath a little, did Kei want to come over to his house? Those amber eyes that he had always admired from afar were all his, Kei was inching forward to being Tadashi's hand, and it made his heart swell. 

Just for him, staring, glancing, watching, and curiously. Tadashi had to force himself not to reach out and link their fingers together again, wishing to feel Kei's touch once more, loving how Kei stood next to him, even though they were anything but intimate. 

Tadashi blinked, staring at Kei in surprise, feeling his heart was whole, swelling up in hope and love, feelings that he had never felt before stirring up inside of his body, making his heart hammer in love. 

Safe.

He hadn't used that word in ages, not since the cutting started, not since the Nanny's blunts had burned into his skin, killing the innocence that he had once carried on his shoulders, an innocence that had been stripped from his body and laid out before him in bloody strips of hatred. 

Not since his mother and father had left him all alone in that large, quiet house, alone and afraid, with no one to comfort him when he came home with cuts decorating his body both from himself and the bullies who were relentless to him. 

"T-the Nanny won't be there." Tadashi said weakly, afraid that Kei was going to think he was weird for having a Nanny, but the blond simply nodded and looked forward, Kei gently taking Tadashi by the hand, pulling him forward as they walked. 

"Good." Kei said shortly as they exited the school. He paused, letting Tadashi fall in line next to him, both of them walking slowly, the sound soothing Tadashi's frazzled nerves, pulling him into a lapse of peace. 

"Show me the way." Kei said, nodding to Tadashi who stiffened up, looking away from him quickly, a flush on his face. He had never had a genuine friend to him, never had a person who would be so kind to him. Every time he had said he was fine with something, he had never truly meant it. Maybe this time he could?

"O-of course." He said softly, and to his relief, he meant it. 


End file.
